I wanted to aid the haunted and the tormented...

I wanted to aid the haunted and the tormented and it seemed to me that this was a valid desire in a world such as this one. I felt bruised in my struggle to connect. Inspire fires in the underworld, my want to help is so strong. I don’t mind sifting through the bullshit that you put in front. I don’t mind waiting while you watch

and listen and sometimes laugh. I will wait, ever so distantly and patiently, until you get your shit together and want to talk about things that are real, that are happening to you every day. I don’t mind. I am very patient (at lease I try to be).

You sit down in your misery and confusion and refuse to budge from that stained and static plane. I want to (not fix it) open up in you a want to discuss and reflect and experience and grow. I want you to be able to feel the deep misery of

despair and ruin. I don’t mind if you express that. You own those bad things in your life, I applaud you for your honesty and character. It sink down into that deep feeling of ugly is something that I think is important. It is part of the process and I embrace it.

We can come back to this place whenever you need to. But I think we need to be learning and doing positive things in there too. We can’t just mingle in the mud. I want to be able to talk about serious shit about the world too. There are other things going on in the world that affect you too but we need to talk about those things too.

The meta-physical world seems to be screaming to me and I think we need to band together in community and work some stuff out. We need a plan, not just about you or me but about how we can start to change the world we live in.

Not every conversation can be about you honey, sometimes you need to grow up a little bit and think about the world. But I am patient. I will wait for you to get there, somewhere behind you.

The world is a crazy place. With all the racism, sexism, homophobia, (and the list goes on forever) how are we going to get anywhere? We need a plan to start to move and shake our communities. I mean, even small actions can be triumphs and shake the earth a bit (in ways we don’t even realize) and these things can change.

Writing, for example, I think is one of my best ways to open up discussions. I want to know what you think about anything that I am saying. Let’s start a conversation. I’m saying some pretty wild stuff or maybe you have heard this all before? I don’t know. Because no one is speaking up. I would love for you to tell me your thoughts (if they are long).

Start talking about it to everyone and let’s start some revolting (I don’t mean angry violent revolting.... no violence for me thanks) but talking is a step in the right direction. Writing and talking. And really, when I say writing (this is just my way of trying to change things) you can be doing all kinds of other things to change things, revolt,

if you will (in a non-violent way... I keep saying this because I am not gonna be responsible for some idiot getting so riled up reading this that he/she goes and gets violent on anything)...

You can start a dance troop, write your own blog about what you think about all this stuff, respond to me, talk to your friends, write to your senators and governors about things you feel strongly about, read the issues that are out there

(learn information about things you are passionate enough about to write it down (send it to your friends, do a blog, make music in protest, make art, any kind of art at all, humanities are art kinds of people too, this is a very broad and big group of people) or express it in some artistic way.

I am personally writing this blog to spark even one person to read it, talk about it to someone, email it to a friend, discuss it with pastors, teachers, mentors, thinkers, philosopher, spiritual people, any thing of this nature. I am just so desperate to change something in a few people. I love my family and I am supporting them in any way that I can but I also really believe that the world can change and that there is hope.

There is film that is changing the way things are as well: documentary film, honest film (even of a personal nature I think is still so beautiful and brings me closer to spiritual enlightenment) films that make you think and talk.

I do not mean to advocate really violent films however, I do not like blood like honesty (lets see how many guts and blood we can smash into a film) or torture movies of any kind... or really even scenes of torture. I hate this stuff. I am not advocating films such as:

The Antichrist (the Dogville’s director film not the other one), I don’t know really anything with torture in it is really just not acceptable to me. This movie business is supposed to be entertainment not trauma inducing centers. Movies like The Happening (oh hell no.... I actually walked out of this movie- it was just that awful- sad, and not entertainment) are not good for my psyche (I swear to God it is true).

So I am just trying to ignite something, maybe. I feel as if I am not getting through and people are not paying attention and so apathy and indifference to social change. I can’t stand to watch more intelligent arty people get traumatized by bad shit (this can be defined in the broadest of terms) and then give up and die in a spiritual way (artistic way) or they actually die.

Hey, and we all have our problems... I know I do. I’m a mess half the time. So I know it isn’t easy. I just hide it sometimes cause I don't want you to worry about me. I am writing, I am doing what I have to do to make it through.

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