Alice Watches

I guess you

didnt see alice

watching you,

like pictures

playing,

dolls dancing

round,

speaking in

sounds,

in my head

I saw you,

sensed your

waves and

deeds done

over sneaky smiles,

twitching eyes,

closing doors

quickly,

pacing lines,

walls smoothly

shutting down

on themselves.

I looked out windows

to forget

sad nuances,

maybe days

or minutes

of ceiling fan turnings over

hazy rapes

on carpeted bedroom floors,

razor blades,

molestations on cruel couches with TVs blaring

war re-runs,

callous thrusts on hard cement

driveways without words,

violations in truck beds,

sadistic cornerings against sleazy offices walls,

closet shamings,

between singing

and crying howls for mercy

though he would never listen,

between humiliations

and manipulation nails,

phone call lies

and degradations,

you are silly,

you are stupid,

you are dumb,

and why cant you

see how wrong you are?

I ate a hole in

my head to

shut you out,

over and over,

again today

and every day,

sometimes now,

the way you made

me feel comes

back to me

as a flash of thunder,

ricocheting off my bones,

thumping like a swamp

inside my skull, 

a scream,

and I crawl,

slimy to self-hatred,

that 17 year old girl

loving a tyrant

just across the

sun-harsh way.

And then I shake

awake again.

Ah!

to breathe

and stumble

out,

a dragoned

witch-

haunted,

but in the lovely moonlight,
I was the bringer
of my own passion,

so softly touching
and healing myself

by liquid fingers,

ever just so,

oh,

sultry vibrations

moved and pulsed

the body

upward to

divinity in

ecstasy, always.

Enlightened pleasure

is deeper and moaning,

heavy sweeter,

mmm,

oh,

fuck yes,

please.

Awake now,

I see.

Your cruelty has no

power over me now.