Alice Watches

I guess you
didnt see alice
watching you,
like pictures
dolls dancing
speaking in
in my head
I saw you,
sensed your
waves and
deeds done
over sneaky smiles,
twitching eyes,
closing doors
pacing lines,
walls smoothly
shutting down
on themselves.

I looked out windows
to forget
sad nuances,
maybe days
or minutes
of ceiling fan turnings over
hazy rapes
on carpeted bedroom floors,
razor blades,
molestations on cruel couches with TVs blaring
war re-runs,
callous thrusts on hard cement
driveways without words,
violations in truck beds,
sadistic cornerings against sleazy offices walls,
closet shamings,
between singing
and crying howls for mercy
though he would never listen,
between humiliations
and manipulation nails,
phone call lies
and degradations,
you are silly,
you are stupid,
you are dumb,
and why cant you
see how wrong you are?

I ate a hole in
my head to
shut you out,
over and over,
again today
and every day,
sometimes now,
the way you made
me feel comes
back to me
as a flash of thunder,
ricocheting off my bones,
thumping like a swamp
inside my skull, 
a scream,
and I crawl,
slimy to self-hatred,
that 17 year old girl
loving a tyrant
just across the
sun-harsh way.

And then I shake
awake again.
to breathe
and stumble
a dragoned
but in the lovely moonlight,
I was the bringer
of my own passion,
so softly touching
and healing myself
by liquid fingers,
ever just so,
sultry vibrations
moved and pulsed
the body
upward to
divinity in
ecstasy, always.
Enlightened pleasure
is deeper and moaning,
heavy sweeter,
fuck yes,
Awake now,
I see.
Your cruelty has no
power over me now. 

No comments:

Post a Comment