To Write

Could I just be wildly myself

with you?

Even in the most

pure mirrors

and honest relationships,

I have held much back,

a closed guillotine

that I couldn’t seem

to pry open,

craving to howl out to you

the darkest and most

light pieces in me,

vibrant prisms glowing

in the moonlight shade.

The trick was to

trust you.

I was always trying

to force it,

silliness of course,

yet still seeing ugliness,

cruel words spoken

in moments of anger,

but I kept my

mouth stapled together.

I didn’t say

the hurricane in my head.

Mmm I wanted to,

my god,

to shout out

so badly,

to open truly,

but something’s so broken within there,

keys to my mouth,

they are in shards,

scattered to the

earth ends

and I cant

move my tongue,

just the way I want it,

stare you in your face

and create careful words,

carving them out with my teeth.

How dare you

disturb my fire breathing

slumber?

What is it now?

I was pressured

to get up on my virgin pedestal

and entertain you

so you could jack off

in the crowd

then blame me for your

bad habits,

Oh fuck no.

I whisk those demons

out of my body,

years of toxins clogging up

my bloodstream,

give me such a pain

I was up all hours,

all of my nights

whispering to the gods,

for why I am still here?

To write,

to heal,

to help.