I miss you, volcanic spirit,
driving in and out of my reality and preference.
I awoke with a start,
breathing heavy,
take one, two, three
soft steps on the carpet,
and freeze,
wait for the shadow to pass.
I whimper over your
shaking body,
live again and breathe ghost-
you haunt me ever still.
Damaged and bruised,
red dress,
high heeled black shoes,
I let you drive me mad.
Factory smell,
stank way down deep,
iron and fire and spit,
meld together
in the ethers,
I can hear the screams
from above
here-sitting on my bed.
The walls drip my sanity,
I hear the pain around me,
in and through me,
let me make it better,
Voodoo magic.
Gender dialogue
I worship genders.
Trying to keep the inner clock satisfied, I bury in my sleep fragments of my self
deep down in the lands of dark dreams.
Glory days,
someone took a saw to my psyche and cut me in two parts, at least. Masculine and Feminine identities play chess in my brain, every move a switch goes off in my head and I shift gender. Hundreds maybe thousands of times a day, subtle fluidity. I have learned to hide in the paper trees of the inferno life, gender rabbit hole falling, with a few bruises to spare.
A drop of pain for trying to remember the feeling.
I must learn to move with awareness, slow and steady toward full awakening. My head opens, I accept my eccentricities and move deeper to the core of the soul, the harvest moon. Understanding the vastness of yourself opens you up to understanding the collective, the individuals that flow in and out of your kinesthetic space and body. Your dreams then become beyond you yet clearer than imagination. I learn to own my wonderland.
Trying to keep the inner clock satisfied, I bury in my sleep fragments of my self
deep down in the lands of dark dreams.
Glory days,
someone took a saw to my psyche and cut me in two parts, at least. Masculine and Feminine identities play chess in my brain, every move a switch goes off in my head and I shift gender. Hundreds maybe thousands of times a day, subtle fluidity. I have learned to hide in the paper trees of the inferno life, gender rabbit hole falling, with a few bruises to spare.
A drop of pain for trying to remember the feeling.
I must learn to move with awareness, slow and steady toward full awakening. My head opens, I accept my eccentricities and move deeper to the core of the soul, the harvest moon. Understanding the vastness of yourself opens you up to understanding the collective, the individuals that flow in and out of your kinesthetic space and body. Your dreams then become beyond you yet clearer than imagination. I learn to own my wonderland.
The chessboard speaks
In the cosmos, we intertwined, twin flames melt together. Our Egyptian brethren thrust us into the future, the ancestors fading back into the mists of heaven though we shout for them to stay.
The chessboard full of fast moves and equality issues breathes a sigh of relief, our soaked psyches gleam in the moonlight to explore and be driven on to create, to delve beyond the pale-faced corpses that sit in the graveyards over on east 11th.
The lightning inside me strikes hard and I shake, threatening to split full through into both feminine and masculine selves. I hunger for more when the creative collective begins to howl in my ear.
The monster ate my whole sacrificed framework and then I swallowed the red pill, went down with a cough. Haunted by the wails of angels, waltzing weapons of sanity. The doors to the masquerade begin to close slowly and now I must find a way to live with what I've seen.
The chessboard full of fast moves and equality issues breathes a sigh of relief, our soaked psyches gleam in the moonlight to explore and be driven on to create, to delve beyond the pale-faced corpses that sit in the graveyards over on east 11th.
The lightning inside me strikes hard and I shake, threatening to split full through into both feminine and masculine selves. I hunger for more when the creative collective begins to howl in my ear.
The monster ate my whole sacrificed framework and then I swallowed the red pill, went down with a cough. Haunted by the wails of angels, waltzing weapons of sanity. The doors to the masquerade begin to close slowly and now I must find a way to live with what I've seen.
2011 Tarot Reading
Method: One Thoth tarot deck that was shuffled by Megan and I. We took turns drawing cards for the month. Our intention was for the cards to show us the general vibes/keywords associated with each month. We recognize that these are very general impressions, but if one does a further investigation of the Tarot one may find that there are interesting correlations to astrological/astronomical events, as well as, present day institutions. We left these keys words for those to see if they get the same ideas about the cards and months as we do. We would love to see if any one out there has visions, dreams, etc that relate to these cards and their meanings.
Note: All of the words or phrases listed below were stream of conscious words about each card.
January- Prince of Swords
science, stick with the machine, overcome small obstacles,
control the id, persistence, control,
seeing it through, scattered, angry, fractured feeling,
hard work, steadfast,
control of the fractured self. (Jan 2011)
February: 10 of Wands (Oppression)
warning card of self-defeat and inner oppression.
Too much heaviness feeling.
Anxiety/Apathy, stress from external realms of control,
exhaustion, a general sense of heaviness, weight,
feeling held down by time and karma. (Feb 2011)
March: 8 of Wands - swiftness,
swift change in course, clear communication,
connection/networking,
overcoming communication problems,
being direct and blunt about your endeavors or feelings.
It's quick and intense, things seem to be happening and opening up in various areas,
more directed energy, focus, control (March 2011)
April: The Fool
freshness, creativity, embracing of complexity,
connection with spirituality. New awareness,
taking the plunge, going out on a limb,
new things starting ventures, economies.
Healthy naivety/humble and open to new experiences.
Open perception/intuition (April 2011)
May: The Magus (#2)
ascension, creativity, metaphysical changes,
beginnings, manifestation in the material world,
power of crops, green-life minded. (May 2011)
June: Princess of Cups
Flight, impulse, giving in to whims,
letting sensations take you somewhere,
an opening of the senses, letting go,
transforming, letting go of false illusions, false witness. (June 2011)
July: Princess of Disks
Birth of new ideas, grounding to earth, light in the darkness,
finding inner light through creativity and sensuality.
Deliverance out of darkness. Growth, development,
Help/Aid at hand. Feel strong, united. Connection to humanity.
Looking back, reflection on past. (July 2011)
August: The Star
new age, higher sensitivity, connecting the material with the ethereal.
Spiral energy, awakenings, dreams, fulfillment,
touching the divine, love and support,
a peace of mind, nightly visions, lucid dreaming. (August 2011)
September: Wheel of Fortune
connection, electric, energy, fortune,
sudden breakthroughs, realizations, sparks,
the path has shifted,
divine help, divine connection,
moving with the machine of karma or being stuck in the cycle. (Sept. 2011)
October: The Devil
Sexual energy manifesting, spiritual connection, power,
creativity through divinity, connection to collective consciousness,
edgy, red energies, a profitable darkness, playfulness,
awareness through third eye, manipulation, powerful figures, authority,
mastery over the material, being demonized,
jealously towards others or towards you, shifting identities,
(Oct 2011)
November: Queen of Disks
Reflection, the pathway to something new,
understanding the process of growth and patience,
connection to the divine, seeing a greater work in the process,
timelines, seeing the seeds of your future and past, reverie. (Nov 2011)
December: Prince of Cups
Watery floods, steamy release, quickness to anger,
flighty, shifty, focus on trivial matters, fissure
aggressive, too focused on transformation,
tunnel vision, forgetting important aspects of the bigger picture,
focused on sexuality/affection. Floods of emotion, mass weeping
False attraction, vain sexuality, ignoring the lotus, closed chakras
(Dec 2011)
The government and Moon's last battle
The oil swells up in your lungs and you remember the faint taste of metal. You dance to forget the burning. Falling birds like the sun in my dreams breathes me fast like a drive that beats me into submission-metaphorically speaking-the moon rises in the east and winks. What is it like to have a serpent round your neck, ready to squeeze it out of you, drain you dry if necessary. The government will find a way to scare you.
Yet sometimes, what scares me more is what I see in you, writhing looking glass monster. What if the rabbit hole leaves you lost forever, never to come back to the surface, held by chains. Maybe some with their heads floating in the river want things to change. The violence makes me walking nauseous, constant ripple of sensations-You wake from a nightmare yet still the world of the real is just another dream.
What if Mary came to you, heavy angel, and asks to be released from the memories of crosses in the rain, could you look her in the face and say no? With pain comes openness to ecstasy and true darkness horrors in the shadows.
Yet sometimes, what scares me more is what I see in you, writhing looking glass monster. What if the rabbit hole leaves you lost forever, never to come back to the surface, held by chains. Maybe some with their heads floating in the river want things to change. The violence makes me walking nauseous, constant ripple of sensations-You wake from a nightmare yet still the world of the real is just another dream.
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