Late night cold sweats,
I woke up in
the dark and wanted
to get in the car,
drive in the crisp ghost breathing
heavy air
to heaven and back
before the sun
came up,
fucking alone,
or maybe,
if you fancy,
alone with you.
It was such a grieving
process
at times,
opening my heart again,
the rush of all the old pains
and scars waking up and bleeding,
but we must,
open back up once more anyway,
I suppose.
Hmmm, wish there was a way
to explain my mind,
that twisted peripheral forest,
wicked and slithering vines and veins,
dangerous visions,
sexual cravings
ran so deep and
overwhelmed me in ways
vast and misunderstood,
constant desire
thumping through me
so intense
I couldn’t concentrate
on these words,
I wrote down,
staggered and gasped,
in love and fucking,
lusting teeth.
I missed being under you,
and then on top, ha.
Simple desire
to be taken over,
let you posses me,
only for a moment,
goddamn that felt good.
Id beg
if I thought it would
make one bit of difference,
but nevermind.
And in the dragon’s lair,
lay in waiting,
mistress and monster
bound together
in sorcery and pain.
I always kept your secrets,
my heart expanding
at the thought,
still I hated you
for taking me
for granted.
And even in the midst
of a veracious lust
for the pleasured life,
I rose in the middle of
the darkness round,
with a rage that would’ve
screamed out the windows,
down the driveway,
up and underneath
the streets and highways,
howling out,
the viper within,
even if I hide it
oh so well.
Damn it,
I fooled you again
and then felt guilty,
lil bit sheepish.
Ugh,
I never could say it
quite right,
the hauntings in the mirrors
of adults,
the nightmares
of children,
who cried out for sanctuary.
I sometimes must
just weep with no
explanation,
now,
I know Im losing you,
and I loathe
myself into twilight,
until we,
if we’re lucky,
wake up again,
you holding my hand
in the rain.
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