The Girls in my Head

We all had

our own talents,

ways of coping

with the mirror monster,

whatever that looked like for you,

always mocking gestures

and laughing to your face

as you wept with the weight

of it all.

Joy kept up with time,

compulsively checking her watch,

always wanting to leave soon

from wherever she was,

pressed suits,

pregnancy tests,

and scalding baths,

so hot as to feel

as if her very skin

could be turned

inside out,

just her way

to shake off the dark.

Morgan

hugged trees,

ran through neighborhoods naked,

punched policemen in the face,

and danced in

the fall leaves

until her feet

turned smoke to fire

because she yearned

to fucking burn.

Scarlett

didn’t speak much

at parties,

but screamed in the shower

when her roommate wasnt home;

she quit jobs every two months

just to prove to herself

that no one

and no thing

would ever own her.

Krista hitchhiked to

new towns

and stole cigarette lighters

that she found

in the glove compartments

of her good samaritans,

which made her feel a

wild sort of freedom,

akin to the sensation

of airplane take off,

setting your sights

on the equator and

changes in the weather.

Carrie enjoyed

sniffing coke

in bathroom stalls

and only shared her secrets

with complete strangers

just before leaving the bars

that she frequented

so as to

unburden the twilight

in her skull

but never got too close;

she was a girl

that everyone

fell in love with

at first sight

and she knew it,

rolled her eyes

at their stupid faces,

not even remotely interested

though enjoyed

never having

to pay her liquor tab.

Lisa felt safe in libraries,

and this was the only place

she would sleep,

ripped pages of

Tolstoy and Joyce

out of their hard covers

before closing time,

and held their pages close like hearts,

to wander the streets

until the morning came.

Aaron

spent her days

working a cash register

in a shopping mall,

and spent her weekends

weeping at the grave

of her brother

who had killed himself

after the war

to stop the visions and loud noises

in his head.

Rebecca

picked up men

in hardware stores,

asking questions

that she already knew

the answers to,

and smirking at herself

at the fact that

she always found at least one man

that was turned on by the young and innocent act.

She tied them to headboards,

left heal imprints on their chests,

and took their cash

while they threw tantrums

at her

that could only be heard

by the ceiling fan.

And in the end,

maybe you

should’ve just left,

wanted to just stomp your foot

and turn me into perfect,

the ultimate doormat,

the caretaker of all your woes and whims,

and then youd love me,

surely,

I mean really love me

this time around

as the bruises heal themselves.

Maybe we just die alone

with no one to hold

our dreams together,

just broken glass

and dirty pipelines.

But the moon,

she didn’t want

the hangovers,

the dances in spotlights at parties,

sex behind closed doors,

grocery store small talk,

the boys following

her to her car after work.

She just wanted

to hang and shine,
so she did.